Someone Who Will Love You In All Your Damaged Glory by Raphael Ben-Waksberg (2019)

LOVED. 

"Here is my impression of a play: Okay, so first you gotta imagine it's a hotel room, right? Just a normal, boring-looking hotel room, on the nice end of things, as far as hotel rooms go. And the audience is coming in, and they're taking their seats in this dinky little theater in lower Manhattan, barely bigger than a Winnebago, this theater, with seats that feel like someone just glued down some thin fabric over a block of hard metal. The main thing of a theater--like the whole point of it--is that there's going to be a lot of sitting in it, so you'd think they would at least consider investing in some comfortable chairs. Word to the wise: if they can't even get that part right, which absolutely most of the time they cannot, then buckle the fuck up, because I can tell you right now you are in for an ordeal of an evening."

I would like to recommend this book to you, friends. Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory by Raphael Bob-Waksberg.

This collection of stories about relationships is absurd and hilarious and live up to their titles. Some of the short stories in this collection include: Missed Connection-M4W, The Serial Monogamist's Guide to Important New York City Landmarks, Lunch with the Person Who Dumped You, and Rufus, which is about a relationship from the point of the dog. And of course, You Want to Know What Plays Are Like. DON'T MISS.

Slasher Girls & Monster Boys by April Genevieve Tucholke (ed.) (2015)

Oh my goodness, I LOVED this collection of YA short stories, which are spooky stories that are all inspired by various works of horror movies, fiction and even songs. Not a single dud in this collection and some of the stories are legit spooky. And each story names its references (in upside down print at the end of the story). So fun to figure them out while reading. 

I adored so many of them, but the standout was Sleepless by Jay Kristoff (inspiration: Psycho!). I'm going to name all the authors, though, cause they're ALL good: Nova Ren Suma, Carrie Ryan, Cat Winters, Leigh Bardugo, Megan Shepherd, Danielle Paige, April Genevieve Tucholke, Jonathan Maberry, Jay Kristoff, Stefan Bachmann, Marie Lu, McCormick Templeman, A.G. Howard, and Kendare Blake.

Meet Cute: Some People Are Destined to Meet (2018)

Oh my goodness, I loved this collection of YA short stories which are all stories of 'meeting cute.' 

I love the fabulous diversity of the characters: gay, straight, trans, all colors. It's just a gorgeous and romantic little collection that will restore your faith in humanity and love.

Listing every single one here because they are all worthy of mention and LOVE. 

Siege etiquette / Katie Cotugno

Print shop / Nina LaCour
Hourglass / Ibi Zoboi
Click / Katharine McGee
The intern / Sara Shepard
Somewhere that's green / Meredith Russo
The way we love here / Dhonielle Clayton
Oomph / Emery Lord
The dictionary of you and me / Jennifer L. Armentrout
The unlikely likelihood of falling in love / Jocelyn Davies
259 million miles / Kass Morgan
Something real / Julie Murphy
Say everything / Huntley Fitzpatrick
The department of dead love / Nicola Yoon

Shrill by Lindy West (2016)

Subtitled Notes from a Loud Woman, this collection of essays is about West's public life as a journalist, her coming into her own, her fight to get people to realize that rape jokes can be hurtful, and her coming to terms with her struggles with her weight and her realization that she is not her size--and her fight with internet trolls who disagree with her on all of these points.

It's genius. She's hilarious and heart-breaking and tough and amazing. This should be taught in all Feminism 101 classes. Also, there should be Feminism 101 classes.

Some bits I loved:

"Please don't forget: I am my body. When my body gets smaller, it is still me. When my body gets bigger, it is still me. There is not a thin woman inside me, awaiting excavation. I am one piece. I am also not a uterus riding around in a meat incubator. There is not substantive difference between the repulsive campaign to separate women's bodies from their reproductive systems--perpetuating that lie that abortion and birth control are not healthcare--and the repulsive campaign to convince women that they and their body size are separate, alienated entities. Both say, 'Your body is not yours.' Both demand, 'Beg for your humanity.' Both insist, 'Your autonomy is conditional.' This is why fat is a feminist issue." (p. 15) 

And: 

"Whale is the weakest insult ever, by the way. Oh, I have a giant brain and rule the sea with my majesty? What have you accomplished lately, Steve?" (p. 254)

STEVE. 

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan (2013)

In this achingly poignant young adult novel, two boys (Harry and Craig) try to break the record for the longest kiss ever. As well as following this story, the novel follows other young contemporary gay men and their relationships (online and off, family and romantic). 

And here's what adds a heartbreaking level to this story: all of their adventures are watched over and commented on by a Greek chorus of gay men who have passed away of AIDS. 

Beautiful, moving, and yes, heartbreaking. Must-read.

I love so much about this novel, I have to share some of my absolute favorite bits:

"We were once like you, only our world wasn't like yours. You have no idea how close to death you came. A generation or two earlier, you might be here with us. We resent you. You astonish us." (p. 2) 

"If you are a teenager now, it is unlikely that you knew us well. We are your shadow uncles, your angel godfathers, your mother's or your grandmother's best friend from college, the author of that book you found in the gay section of the library. We are characters in a Tony Kushner play, or names on a quilt that rarely gets taken out anymore. We are the ghosts of the remaining older generation. You know some of our songs. We do not want to haunt you too somberly. We don't want our legacy to be gravitas. You wouldn't want to live your life like that, and you won't want to be remembered like that, either. Your mistake would be to find our commonality in our dying. The living part mattered more. We taught you how to dance." (p. 3) 

"One of the many horrible things about dying the way we died was the way it robbed us of the outdoor world and trapped us in the indoor world. For every one of us who was able to die peacefully on a deck chair, blanket pulled high, as the wind stirred his hair and the sun warmed his face, there were hundreds of us whose last glimpse of the world was white walls and metal machinery, the tease of a window, the inadequate flowers in a vase, elected representatives from the wilds we had lost. our last breaths were of climate-controlled air. We died under ceilings. Either that wallpaper goes, or I do. It makes us more grateful now for rivers, more grateful for sky." (p. 49)

And more: 

"There is power in saying, 'I am not wrong. Society is wrong.' Because there is no reason that men and women should have separate bathrooms. There is no reason that we should ever have to be ashamed of our bodies or ashamed of our love. We are told to cover ourselves up, hide ourselves away, so that other people can have control over us, can make us follow their rules. It is a bastardization of the concept of morality, this rule of shame. Avery should be able to walk into any restroom, any restaurant, without any fear, without any hesitation." (p. 140) 

"This only makes Ryan smile more. 'I'm sorry,' he says. 'I usually don't like people. So when I do, part of me is really amused and the other part refuses to believe it's happening.'" (p. 150) 

"and he hopes that maybe it'll make people a little less scared of two boys kissing than they were before, and a little more welcoming to the idea that all people are, in fact, born equal, no matter who they kiss or screw, no matter what dreams they have or love they give." (p. 193)

Beautiful. Read it NOW.

Evicted by Matthew Desmond (2016)

Subtitled "Poverty and Profit in the American City", this nonfiction book explores the stories of those struggling with their housing in the poorest neighborhoods of Milwaukee.

As Desmond says in his prologue: 

"Fewer and fewer families can afford a roof over their head. This is among the most urgent and pressing issues facing America today, and acknowledging the breadth and depth of the problem changes the way we look at poverty. For decades, we've focused mainly on jobs, public assistance, parenting and mass incarceration. No one can deny the importance of these issues, but something fundamental is missing. We have failed to full appreciate how deeply housing is implicated in the creation of poverty. Not everyone living in a distressed neighborhood is associated with gang members, parole officers, employers, social workers, or pastors. But nearly all of them have a landlord." 

Although researched beautifully (and you should read the end notes as you go along--they're amazingly informative), this book is incredibly readable and accessible. The people that Desmond focuses on are real, richly depicted characters and their situations are gripping and heart-rending. This book is transformative--it gave me insight into an issue that is too easy to overlook in everyday life. I will never view housing, poverty, my work and daily life in the city in the same way again. 

Anyone who is interested in issues of social justice and poverty would do well to read this book.

And now all of the quotes that I loved: 

"If incarceration had come to define the lives of men from impoverished neighborhoods, eviction was shaping the lives of women. Poor black men were locked up. Poor black women were locked out." (p. 98) 

"Plus, Patrice would have to set foot in that grand old courthouse. The nicest building in Patrice's life was Lena's Food Market off Fond Du Lac Avenue. ....Her white friends called it the ghetto grocery store, but it was one of the better markets on the North Side. And at Lena's, Patrice never felt her existence questioned. She tried not to go to parts of the city where she did." (p. 99) 

"Psychologists might agree with him, citing research showing that under conditions of scarcity people prioritize the now and lose sight of the future, often at great cost." (p. 115) 

"Efforts to establish local cohesion and community investment are thwarted in neighborhoods with high turnover rates. in this way, eviction can unravel the fabric of a community, helping to ensure that neighbors remain strangers and that their collective capacity to combat crime and promote civic engagement remains untapped. (p 298) 

"Establishing publicly funded legal services for low-income families in housing court would be a cost-effective measure that would prevent homelessness, decrease evictions, and give poor families a fair shake."(p 303) 

"If it weren't so easy to evict someone, tenants like Doreen and Patrice could report dangerous or illegal conditions without fearing retaliation. If tenants had lawyers, they wouldn't need to go to court." (p. 304)  

"Every family below a certain income level would be eligible for a housing voucher. They could use that voucher to live anywhere they wanted, just as families can use food stamps to buy groceries virtually anywhere, as long as their housing was neither too expensive, big, and luxurious, not too shabby and run-down." (more on this on 308) 

"I learned that behavior that looks lazy or withdrawn to someone perched far above the poverty line can actually be a pacing technique. People like Crystal or Larraine cannot afford to give all their energy to today's emergency only to have none left over for tomorrow's." (p. 328) 

(on ethnography in "about this project")

"But first-person narration is not the only technique available to us. In fact, it may be the least well-suited vehicle for capturing the essence of a social world because the "I" filters all. With first-person narration, the subjects and the author are each always held in view, resulting in every observation being trailed by a reaction to the observer. No matter how much care the author takes, the first-person ethnography becomes just as much about the fieldworker as about anything she or he saw." (p. 334)

More: 

"Humans act brutally under brutal conditions…(Maslow) Ideas about aggression in low-income communities that do not account for the hard squeeze of poverty, the sheer emotional and cognitive burden that accompanies severe deprivation, do not come close to capturing the lived experience of people like Arleen and Crystal." (p 376) 

"Resource-poor schools in low-income neighborhoods often leave children with subpar language and critical-thinking skills. Those deficits will remain even if those children relocate to safe and prosperous neighborhoods later in life." (p. 377) 

"That fancy television in the ratty apartment? Those new shoes worn by the kid eating free school lunch? Their owners likely didn't pay full dollar for them. You can take a nice television off a hype for fifty bucks and find marked-down Nikes at the corner store. The price tags in inner-city clothing stores are for white suburban kids who don't know how to haggle. Next to that big-screen television too it is harder to see what is missing." (p. 378) 

 "Behavioral economists and psychologist have shown that 'poverty itself taxes the mind,' making people less intelligent and more impulsive." (p. 378)

"The poverty debate could do more to recognize the powerful effects of rejection on a person's self-confidence and stamina. Applying for an apartment or job and being turned down ten, twenty, forty times--it can wear you out." Also "exhausted settling" (p. 379) 

"Another approach involves surveying a person's resources before trying to access them. Because in poor neighborhoods the most accepted way to say no is to say, "I can't", people sometimes try to take that option off the table. So, for example, instead of asking, "Can I get a ride?" you ask, "You got gas in your car?" Instead of asking, "Could you make me a plate?" you ask, "You eat?"... Knowing how to ask for help--and, in turn, when to extend or withhold aid--is an essential skill for managing poverty." (p. 390)

See also: 

Tally's Corner by Elliot Liebow (1967), All Our Kin by Carol Stack (1974), Sidewalk by Mitchell Duneier (1999), How the Other Half Lives by Jacob Riis (1997), Fringe Banking by John Caskey (2013), Broke, USA by Gary Rivlin (2010), Scarcity by Mullainathan and Shafir (2013), Random Family by Adrian Nicole LeBlanc (2004), Doing the Best I can by Kathryn Edin and Timothy Nelson (2013), Labor of Love, Labor of Sorrows by Jacqueline Jones (2010), Growing Up Jim Crow by Jennifer Ritterhouse (2006), Every Time I feel the Spirit by Timothy Nelson (2004), When Affirmative Action Was White by Ira Katznelson (2005), When a Heart Turns Rock Solid by Timothy Black (2009), Stuck in Place by Patrick Sharkey (2013), and so so so so so many more.

Love by the Morning Star by Laura L. Sullivan (2014)

I LOVED this book. It's a young adult novel that doesn't feel like a young adult novel and it is perfectly lovely.

Love by the Morning Star would make a gorgeous screwball comedy of the 1930s or a perfect musical. Two young women come to a country house in England (think Downton Abbey) for two very different reasons and accidentally end up in each other's spots. 

Anna Morgan is sent by her Nazi sympathizer father to work as a kitchen maid and spy on the liberal Lord Liripip. Hannah Morgenstern, a half-Jewish daughter of a distant relation to the Liripips, is sent away from Berlin and her family's cabaret after Kristallnacht. Hannah, intended for above stairs ends up as the kitchen maid, and vice versa. And of course, there is a handsome heir who both girls fall for. 

Beautifully written, this is one of those books that where the plot propels me but I want to slow down and really appreciate the writing. And did I mention Hannah's compatriot and new coworker Waltrud/Traudl? Every character is beautifully written and the humor is sophisticated and a bit naughty. Perfectly gorgeous.

Romancing the Duke by Tessa Dare (2014)

The first in the very delightful Castles Ever After series.

Utterly charming romance novel about the daughter of a famous author who inherits a castle, which just happens to have a reclusive, scarred Duke living in it. 

 Lovely romance with great characters, humor, and very slight and sly nods to contemporary life--blink and you will miss them. So very, very romantic and a little sexy. Yay!

Say Yes to the Marquess by Tessa Dare (2014)

Another absolutely adorable romance in the Castles Ever After series. 

This one is about Clio, who has been engaged to diplomat and world-wanderer Piers for eight years and has had enough. Once she inherits a castle, she decides to go it alone. But Piers brother, former prizefighter and yes, rake, is trying everything he can to keep them together. Even though the chemistry between them is amazing. 

It's very cute and funny and romantic. I love how Dare combines the tropes of historical romance with strong heroines, dishy romance and the smallest, subtlest nods to contemporary culture. Fun fun!

Happily Ever After by Elizabeth Maxwell (2014)

I love a book that leaps off the shelf at me at the library and asks me to take it home. This book was misshelved while I was looking for something else and it leapt into my hand. 

Sadie Fuller is a single mother, and a romance novelist who writes erotica under a pseudonym. Meanwhile, she's raising her daughter, dealing with her gay ex-husband, and dodging the PTA. When she runs into her newest romantic lead at Target, things get interesting. But not in the way that you might think. 

It's a fabulously original unexpected story with rich, realistic characters in a magical situation. So much quiet, dry humor. I love a scene when her ex forbids her to do something, then they pause to laugh hysterically at the thought of him forbidding her to do anything. 

Funny, realistic and delightful. I love a book where I'm not even done with it and I'm already looking for more work by the author. A total hidden gem, ala Tuscany for Beginners or Nancy's Theory of Style. Adorable.

Uprooted by Naomi Novik (2015)

So sigh. 

Despite a blurb from Gregory Maguire on the cover, I adored this book. A lovely fairy tale retelling which keeps the barest bones of the original tale (Beauty and the Beast) and transforms it into a magical, original tale. 

Agnieszka lives in a small village with her family in a land that is threatened by the mysterious Wood. The Dragon, a distant, cold wizard who protects the land chooses one girl every ten years to serve him in his tower. To everyone's surprise and dismay, Agnieszka is chosen. She learns that she has magic and works with the difficult, diffident Dragon to explore her magical abilities. 

But before you know it, her friends, family and land are threatened by the Wood and a magical war takes place. I love the friendship between Agnieszka and her good friend Kasia, the mysterious danger of the Wood, and the burgeoning relationship between Agnieszka and the Dragon. Plus, this book is a super dreamy grown-up romance.

I adored the insults that the Dragon throws at Agnieszka, like "recalcitrant idiot." Also, this book features very swoony kissing: "'You intolerable lunatic' he snarled at me, and then he caught my face between his hands and kissed me."

Romantic, suspenseful, well-written, and heart-rending, this is just a completely lovely novel.

When a Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare (2015)

Upon reading this book, I immediately decided that I LOVED Tessa Dare and must read all of her novels at once.

Third in the Castles Ever After series (all about women inheriting castles--how awesome is that?), this historical romance is about a shy woman who makes up a dashing imaginary Scottish soldier boyfriend and sends him letters (which gets her family off her back.) All goes well (and she inherits a castle) until the imaginary Scot shows up at her front door as real as it gets.

This novel has everything I love in a romance: rich, endearing characters, marvelous chemistry and romantic, uncontrived build-up. I love their joke about "remember when" when the thing is happening right now, and I love her calling him Captain MacGrumpy or whatever variation on his name she feels like. Trust me, it's far cuter than I'm making it sound. Just loooovely.

The Uninvited by Cat Winters (2015)

This historical novel is set during WWI and the influenza epidemic. Ivy recently recovered from a bout of the flu, and is finding the world has changed radically since she took to her bed. Not only is she dealing with the loss of family members, she still has her lifelong ability to see ghosts.

She struggles with the overzealous American Protection League and her feelings for a German living in her town while taking on the job of driving a Red Cross ambulance. And did I mention she see ghosts? So very lovely and romantic.

See also the romantic ghost stories of Simone St. James.

How to Be a Heroine, or, What I've Learned From Reading Too Much by Samantha Ellis (2015)

I love this book so much I can barely write coherently about it. Hence, much love and little rational explanation. It's just one of the best books on books and reading ever.

Samantha Ellis is a British playwright who as part of her own writing spends some time thinking about how the literary heroines that she loved through her lifetime as a reader have influenced her life and her writing. 

From Anne Shirley to Scarlett O'Hara, Franny Glass and the Dolls of Valley of the Dolls, (oh, and Lucy Honeychurch!) this book is filled with so much love for reading and with a deliciously full bibliography for each chapter. 

I love her rethinking of her youthful love for Wuthering Heights and her disdain for Jane Eyre, and especially that she uses Gilbert and Gubar's feminist literary criticism classic The Madwoman in the Attic as a source. (I studied that up and down when writing my senior paper on Jane Austen's Emma.) And I love her love for Cold Comfort Farm. 

This is very meta, but bear with me. Ellis is writing about Flora Poste in Cold Comfort Farm and quotes from the novel:

"Her writing inspiration is Austen, who she thinks was just like her: 'She liked everything to be tidy and pleasant and comfortable about her, and so do I. You see ... unless everything is tidy and pleasant and comfortable all around one, people cannot even begin to enjoy life. I cannot endure messes.'"

Delicious!

Confessions of a Prairie Bitch by Alison Arngrim (2010)

Subtitled: How I Survived Nellie Oleson and Learned to Love Being Hated. If you looked at the cover of this, with its four shots of Nellie Oleson (who Arngrim played on Little House on the Prairie), and thought, what does she have to write a memoir about ….Let me tell you. Far more than you might ever think.

From complicated family relationships involving secrets and abuse, life as a child actor and beyond, and her years on the beloved family show Little House on the Prairie, Arngrim has a hell of a story to tell. 

Every bit of the story is infused with utter hilarity, while still being unbelievably realistic and clear-sighted and honest. Amazing. Hilarious and delightful and poignant.

So That Happened by Jon Cryer (2015)

Really, really liked this memoir of Cryer's experience in Hollywood. SO funny. 

Many laugh-out-loud moments as well as a great amount of humility and behind the scenes dish and insight into what life is like as a Hollywood actor and theater actor as well. Fabulously fun. SO many funny parts. For example:

 "Beginnings are easy. See how I did that? I began the chapter with a statement about beginnings. This book has layers! Being an author is a cinch! In your face, Herman Melville." (p. 111)

How To Be Black by Baratunde Thurston (2012)

This book is awesome. I loved it immediately from the introduction ("Thanks for Celebrating Black History Month by Acquiring This Book"), which tells us that "this is a book about the ideas of blackness, how those ideas are changing, and how they differ from the popular ideas promoted in mainstream media and often in the black community." And Thurston discusses all of this with insight and utter hilarity.

Chapters include: "How Black Are You", "How to Be the Black Friend", "How to Speak for All Black People", "How to Be the Black Employee", and "How's That Post-Racial Thing Working Out For Ya?"  

In addition to his own thoughts, Thurston brings in his "Black Panel," including W. Kamau Bell, other interesting writers on race, and even one white guy (Christian Lander from Stuff White People Like) to provide even more insight and perspective on the issues he discusses.

I love this quote from Damali Ayo: 

"There's only so much we can say to white people anymore about this, because we've been saying the same things to white people for generations, decades upon decades. It is now really up to them. I've done workshops where I have literally taken all of the people of color out and left the white people and said, 'Your job is to end racism and I'll be back in twenty minutes. You set it up. Take it down.'" (p. 216)  

Also, Thurston's commentary on Cheryl Contee's discussion of the new Harmlem Renaissance and African American culture impacting larger culture: 

"all of these are part of this more global, collaborative resurgence of black culture and thought, and when it comes from the bottom up like this, it challenges the prevailing and limited images of blackness peddled by our major media but also the limited expectations of many black people themselves." (p. 223)

Fabulous, funny, thoughtful and important.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty (2014)

Subtitled: And Other Lessons from the Crematory.  I utterly LOVED this book.  

Doughty, after graduating with a degree in medieval history, gets a job at a crematorium and learns a LOT. This book is beautifully written, so readable and yet she integrates an amazing amount of anthropological research into her writing. 

I love her advocacy for death acceptance and the "good death.' This is totally a buy for me. I love how she talks about the real truth of death in America and how divorced we are from the reality of death. Beautifully written, and I wholeheartedly support her cause. Wonderfully said. Rave, rave, rave. 

Also, don't miss her Order of the Good Death page on Facebook. She posts the most fascinating articles and links.

Whipping Boy by Allan Kurzweil (2015)

Subtitled The Forty-Year Search for my Twelve-Year-Old Bully, I loved this book immediately.  

Novelist Allen Kurzweil, who was sent to a Swiss boarding school after his father's untimely death, was bullied by another student. In adulthood, he became obsessed with figuring out what happened to his childhood tormentor. Amazingly, what happened to his bully is so unbelievable that Kurzweil had to make it a nonfiction book--no one would believe it if it was a novel. 

His bully was part of a fraud ring that involved elaborate banking scams, and amazingly eccentric character--one wears a monacle! After a bit of a digression into the details of the fraud case, he returns to the resolution of his emotionally charged quest. And the resolution is really, really satisfying. Great story.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh (2013)

Subtitled: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened

Although I'd recommended and given it to a bunch of people, I was compelled to finally read it after listening to Allie Brosh's fascinating conversation with Marc Maron on the WTF podcast--one of the best discussions I've ever heard on depression.

This book is hilarious and honest and amazingly insightful into what depression feels like. Even her dog comics are adorable.  Beautifully, beautifully done.

Really. What else can be said!  Buy her book and give it to everyone you know.  Also, you should check out her blog as well, particularly:

Adventures in Depression

Depression: Part Two

And remember: